Keeping myself from the main fire has been a good thing. It helps me to learn to deal with anger. If I subject myself to the idiots and children at the main fire.. I am sure to blow... or at least flame up like a torch set to fire. Yes Ive been mad.. yes there is a certain someone I would like to rip to pieces and then stomp on the gooey mess... but.. I wont lower myself to those base desires right now. Let any say I am unsociable... like I give a shit. They just dont notice that many dont hang around anymore but find their own places and space to be in.. where the competitive attitude isnt looming over our heads. Ive kept up on the gossip via the slaves and a few trusted friends. Same ole same ole.
Ive also seemed to escape whatever is coming due to me for the little incident the other night. Havent heard from Polunu or Saresh so.... I will still stay away till one or both of them show up... if.. and when that might be.. who knows.
Seth mentioned that I might be letting certain things get to me and that I shouldnt.. because I was doing so well. Was??? When did I stop? What.. just because I am alittle ticked off and mad.. means Ive taken steps back? One thing I am not... is fake. I will not put on a happy face when I am mad. I wont sugar coat the obvious. And though I havent told Him... I am very appriciative of the meat He has been suppling for me and my family. He has been a great thing for me and for the kids. Ive especially liked having someone to rant and vent with. I hope He gets time to spend at the fires more since He has been working very hard with supplies and fixing things (And a DSL that wont cooperate with His Mun) It is hard for Him to get together with people at this time. At least when He is able to stop by my fires.. there is no tension between us. I do not have to worry about impressing Him or looking my best. He has been around me so long now... it is how it is. I am healing me first.. the hell with everyone else. What is in store for the future... will just have to wait. Throwing myself into something deeper right now... would be disastrous.
I would like to see Seth make Tribe... for one reason right now... tanya. she is dying under my collar. she isnt the slave of a Woman... she needs a Man and has expressed an interest in Seth. Seth as well has a glint of interest in tanya. I can see it when they are together. tanya screams Tuchuk slave in every move.. breath and look. she did have words with Seth's slave the other night and I can say I am not surprised. Most of the slaves that are not Tuchuk and that are brought here leave little to be desired. I told tanya that if the wench acted that way with me I would slit her throat and throw her to the sleen's before her blood ran cold. I have no tolorance for it. tanya knows that even she is not exempt from my wrath. Luckily for me.. she is trained as she is... respect and disipline.. not some snot nosed little girl with an attitude problem. No matter.. they learn.. or they die. Pleasing the Men around here isnt a hard task... but their lives depend on the Women. The Tuchuk Women that really hold their lives in hand. You please the Women... you pretty much got it made. raven is one... she is pleasing to all... she doesnt hold favorites... at least that she shows. I am sure there is a special someone that she yearns to serve more than another... but when she serves you.. she does it with respect and never a bad attitude. I just love the one's that leave a puddle at the Men's feet and drool all over their legs. Good Skies... someone get a mop and a cork. Those... are after one thing only.. and it is not in the best interest of the Tribe as a whole.
Now... there I go again... ranting and thinking too indepth on things again. I think Im going to go find the kids and scout up a game of hide and seek. Funny... they can never find me... but then again... who would ever think that I would take up hiding...... there.
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