Saresh came to my fires last night... I knew it wasnt good. I saw the whip in His hand and figured that He and Polunu had spoke. Perhaps it was the moment in itself that captured me... but I could swear Saresh was not happy about this... and I do not mean with me. I know Saresh has a temper and in fact when the thought of it actually gripped my senses... I started shaking. I asked Him.. how many. He said three and I nodded... then said... Let's get this over with. I was all for that but still hesitant to stand under the lash. It's been..... well... a very long long time since Ive felt leather against my back. And it angered me more to think back to how far ago that was. It made me mad that Saresh was having to do this. Yet... for the sake of the whiners... I stood at the wagon wheel... clutching my jacket to my chest and gave my back to Saresh. If any dare to say He went easy on me.. they would be wrong. Each stripe was placed with precision... I refussed to cry or give the satisfaction of my pain. And when it was over.. He simply left. No reprimand... no lecture. It was when I was alone and climbed into the wagon that I let it go. I tried to figure out how to get the salve on my back which left my hands more of a gooey mess than any relief to my back. I could feel each heated mark in the cool air but wasnt jointed enough to ease the sting myself. I started cursing... many those that had even started this whole thing and I made some pretty mind blowed revelations during it. Did they think this would do anything for me? It's like cropping a pissed off larl... it only fuels the fire. It only makes them more vicious. And now I couldnt get that fucking salve on my back and I was livid. Slaves at least got tended too. This along with other random stupid thoughts were crossing my mind. You think many dumb things when your in pain.
I finally gave up with the salve and lay on my stomach.. my chin resting over folded arms and letting the chill of the air numb my back. The Ahn's passed slowly and I wished sleep would capture me... but it never came. The tears did... the twinges of anger did... the sharp little pin pricks of flaring flesh where the welts were did... but no rest.. no sleep and no relief. Then suddenly.. it was morning. I heard Jax coming up the steps to knock on the door and when He did.. I ignored Him. When He knocked several more times I finally just told Him to go away. I could almost feel the questions in His voice but He did not persue anything this morning. He said He had blackwine and I just closed my eyes... I wanted nothing to do with Him... with anyone... especially Men.
I heard people commenting on the beautiful colors of day break.... I could only imagine they were as pretty as my own flesh. Somehow.. I lost interest in getting up.
It isnt worth it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment