I am a very over protective Mother. I admit this. So when Kam ordered that Seth take over as "Night-watchman" I didnt really flintch. Well except for the moment I realized just what Kam was doing. Protecting my integrity. I thought now about our late night.. fire-side chats that I so enjoyed with Seth. This is something I rarely got from Shi.. His attention was always to be with the groups of people rather than alone. And who can sit and talk with dozens of other's conversations filtering over one another? Well.. yes I can. But sometimes you just want to sit and be listened to.. and talked at. Such became the case with me. I yearned for someone to talk to me and listen to me. To be their focus of attention and not just another.. body.. at the first fires. Ultimately.. that was the downfall of it all. But in any case... Ive come to watch Seth with the children and He loves them almost as much as I do. He sits and tells stories.. and even for such a big.. burly Man.. He plays games with the little one's.. letting them ride on His back like a wild kaiila.. bucking them around... trying to toss them off. He teaches while He attends. He has dried tears and comforted wounded prides. Besides me and Jax.. He is the only one that noticed the twins withdrawing from things. A fact He say He is working on feverishly.
Flip and Flop have been my shadows.. and I havent tried to fight them as much as I usually would have. Kam's Men have heard it all from Him and even Seth has assisted in telling them some of my secrets... one's that I used against Seth and Jax.. things to look out for. Damn it. Burns my britches that nothing I do is a surprise. Damn it again.
I have visited the fires more.. trying to re-introduce myself to life. It hasnt gone well. But.. I have been able to keep myself calm and not fly off the handle when some dickhead interupts my personal space. Sad as it is... some of the Men I once held honor towards.. have now given into the ego and inflated stature befitting my eight year old. I fear that I do not know how to speak to them anymore. For it seems everything I say is either taken the wrong way or justbrushed off as that old ranting bitch. I did however enjoy my time with Jai and His son Fess. Heartwarming to see another return home.. hopefully this one wont be tainted by the shit that is occuring now. It is a shame to see them turn and become egotistical bastards. Jai did take Seth in as His sponser though. It is fitting being they both hold the Clan of Iron Masters. I was happy that He did and I owe Him some paga from the next batch. I was bursting to tell Fonce because I knew neither one of them would. And I was met with the answer I knew to be coming. "I hope one or both comes and tell's me" Yeah... so do I.
Still.. I am uneasy. My fires are quiet without tanya. she has tried several times to come and talk to me... I can do no more than send her away. It is important that she acclimate herself to Seth now and stop worrying about me. she is a beauty.. and my owning her just sequestered her gifts and her talents. Now she will thrive and grow. I have already heard of her gracing the fires and bringing honor. she is a Man's slave. I must keep reminding myself of this. she had no training involving Women with the Masks. I really think the onyl reason she stayed with me as long as she did.. was because her and I shared a single common ground. We comforted each other in such.
I know now... for sure.. that.... in order to welcome the future... we must let go of the past.
I will let go... but I will not forget.
Never.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment