The night air was cold.. the fire was warm.. it seemed to breath as the small mists of air formed and floated above. These small clouds that billowed upward before disappearing against the tapestry of the night sky were the fire's life. Further upward... Stars twinkled... some rotated.. other's pulsed... the night sky was alive with images. How long I had watched them.. wondering... talking to them... I dont know. I was brought back to the now by Mia and Sonny. The youngest twins of my small clan. Each quietly slipped to a leg and curled against me. Mia taking my braid and curling it within Her fingers... Sonny's fingers drumming over my collarbone. The twins had been distant... rarely vocal ever since Jerus' death. Some progress had been made with Seth's help... but I worried for these two. We sat.. for what seemed a very long time... no words spoken.. none were needed between a child and their parent. Everything was said in the gentle caresses and even breathing. Mia has the voice of a singer... so soft and melodic.. you could get lost in the tones and colors it paints. She was the first to speak.. I felt it against my chest. "Momma? Why are you so sad?" "Ahhh Mia... I miss your Papa." I said. "Dont we make you happy Momma?" Sonny whispered. I took their heads in each hand and pulled them close to kiss them.. burying my face into their hair each in turn... and I whispered. "You all make me happy... You make me live and breath." "Then why are you sad Momma!" Mia asked again. "Mia... I am sad because I want to be with your Papa so badly.. but I cannot." Said into that curly red tinged hair of Mia's head. "Why cant you be with Him Momma?" She said... and I replied... "To be with Him means... I would have to leave you.. leave all of you... and then you would all be sad." "That's a hard rock place, Momma" Sonny said. "A hard rock place Sonny?" I asked since I wasnt sure what He meant. But He nodded and looked up to me with Jerus' crystal blue eyes. "Yeah Momma... that place you get stuck in when ya got two problems." He said... andI laughed... hugging them close. "Ohhhhh... yes... stuck between a rock and a hard place. yes.. your right." I said still chuckling. "So no matter what I choose... someone hurts. And that's a hard thing to work through. I am sad.. yes. But things will change. Do not worry my children." Softly spoken to them as I began to rock them and try to wash away their worries. There were no more words... only the slow breathing of the twins as they slipped into the embrace of sleep. Our breathing synched.. I closed my eyes remembering the sound of sleep. How people in love and those we love could join such a simple unconscious bodily function. Breathing. Peaceful. My children... comforted in the beating of my heart within my chest against their ears. My twins... safe in my arms... rocked by the rise and fall of my chest as we drew in air to our lungs. Again I kissed the tops of their heads and looked at their peaceful features... my features... Jerus' features. And I realized in that moment of a Mother's joy.. that I didnt need to die to see Jerus again... I need only look at my children.
For in them... He was alive.
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