Clearly.. I had walked in on something I had no knowledge of. The mood was dark... I should have felt the air tighten... but I didn't notice. The fires were semi filled... but there was no banter heard. Just me and Ugly arriving.. that alone should have sent up a red standard. I heard no drums.. nothing so... found Tarra after a chipper greeting to everyone around. When I sat down... I asked.. what had happened? I was informed that Zarina was no longer among us... that the Skies had seen fit to call Her home. oh.... what happened? Shocker... yes I was dumbfounded. No one was talking so... I let it drop... until.. I got that glare from Polunu and He up and walked off. I didn't even know He was at the fires in the first place.. and what was with this fucking look towards me? I had to wonder if maybe I did something??? Did I blackout and cause this? No... it wasn't possible... Flip n Flop would have said something. I did check my hands. Tarra said sorrow rises to the surface. I guess so. I guess once again I will be the target of people's anger. I said that it must be my hair.. the red... people want to lash out at me. And why not? I am a target of their constant watch and scrutinizing looks. Judged for things they have no idea about or why.
In any event had Polunu stayed I was about to offer my condolences to Him for His ward. Zarina was fun.. and such a shame to lose Her. I think out of all the prospects.. She was a good one.
I still cant get that look out of my mind... I wanted to run after Polunu and grab Him by the ear and say... what was that for? I didn't deserve that. He more or less shoved an invisible icy finger into my chest and started poking at me and said.. you !! out !!
You know what??? My back bleeds too... my blood runs when I'm cut. True... I cannot cry.... I do not anymore. My emotions are bottled deep within. Wearing your heart on your sleeve hardens you. Go ahead.. blame me. Glare at me... shake your fingers... Cut me down for something.. I don't care. I'm use to it.
I excused myself and returned to the solitude of my wagon. Curling up with just my thoughts and their constant barrage of questions. That little voice did try to make sense of it and reason with me....
" You've come a long long way Silken...."
But the more bigger voice... had the final word....
" oh... boskshit ! "
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