Page 264 (1/18/2008) Waving the white flag

Was there nothing more I could do? No... simply exist. I was able to catch up with Seth and talk with Him for a few moments.. which.. are rare these days. The work He is doing keeps Him from the fires for long periods of time. The children and I headed to the main circle.. The twins went and sat with Seth.. the older group was off wrestling and basically the girls were plotting Wily's death. Seth told me He has been working with Mia and Sonny.. and even Wily. Wily is taking an interest in Iron.. and Seth.. brave soul He is.. lets Wily use a hammer at the forge. Sonny has been working with Enu with the kaiila... Mia is off with Shanay. Starr.. well Starr is my little seer... always playing with stones.. sticks and bones. Im glad to hear that Wily is finding something of interest... and more importantly... someone to teach Him. When Seth left abruptly.. I headed to the healer's wagons and tended a few small injuries. While cleaning up the instruments... I had a surprise. Shi came to the fires. I was cordial and made Him a bowl of blackwine.. surprisingly.. I remembered.. just milk. Though I could have cut the tension in the air between us... I did my best to remain calm. I succeeded. We sat.. we talked... very little. Be it questions or comments that refussed to come out... I dont know. But I wasnt up to a heated discussion... I just simply knew... I wanted things back the way they were. He didnt look at me.. nor I Him. I felt confused... hurt... sad... the whole gamma of emotions... and I retreated into my wagon rather quickly. I wanted to hang a white standard outside my wagon... maybe two.. maybe six... I wanted someone to see them... I wanted someone to know....
Hey... I need help here.
Instead.. I fought sleep.. and it kicked back.
I wanted someone to hold out their hand and take mine... someone to guide me... someone to make sense of all this.Someone to hold me and tell me everything would be ok. Someone to reach for me... I just wanted... a hand.
Now what......