It has been wonderful.. spending the past weeks with Jerus and the newborns... watching the siblings bond with the twins. I see us both.. Jerus and I.. in them already. I havent ventured to the fires for much conversation.. it is rare to have Jerus with me 20 Ahn's of the day so I have been taking advantage of it. My body has recovered and being well rested.. I can barely sleep a few Ahn's at night. But.. when the twins rest.. and Jerus sleeps peacefully within the wagon.. I have ventured to the fire, yet no further than the cover of shadows. Dancing within the ring of light the main fire gives off. I have listened to my people... heard many things.. seen much and...
I am ashamed.
Ashamed of what I see and hear and have learned of some. Everyone has their flaws... none are perfect.. especially me. Yet.. as I am so constantly reminded.. I am an Elder... and must try to provide an example. Skies... again.. I am not perfect and my examples are not to be mimiced at times... but my wisdom.. that I feel to be invaluable. I have watched everyone.. from the Ubar down to the lowest of the wagons. Ive seen those that speak of honor.. integrity and strenght.. weaken and flounder against their own words of advise.
I am disgusted.
But I cannot speak of these things... for it is within me that I hold the knowledge that unseen eyes and ears gain and can later teach those that think themselves unteachable. We are a hearty bunch..proud and strong.. sometimes so that we forget the power it retains. Much respect has been lost to those that held favor in my eyes.. those that never did are lesser than before. Actions.. with lame excuses for them.. hold no water in my weathered years. Still.. I must endure those people. Endure.. but not trust nor put on a false sense of joy in their presence. Why should I be anything but truthful.. I have nothing to gain.. everything I could possibly want or need.. I already have.
I am sad.
For my people and those I called friends. But a few of them are truely happy.. the rest living in a dream to which they are trying to convince themselves what they do is right and just. They only fool themselves.
It is not my place to say.
I can only hope that the spirits guide them in their paths. For now.. I shall agree to disagree... I wish my blood brother was here.. or at least... one that filled His boots in time of need to speak with.
I miss Bo.
(Mun's surgery went well and Silken and I will return soon...Thanks for all the well wishes... miss you and love ya! Peace and love....)
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