Kam received my scroll first.... and sought me out. We walked from the fires to a place where we could sit and talk... and talk.. we did. About everything... and nothing. My words between Kam will never be revealed... they were for His ears only and my trust of Him with them... held in strenght. Shi... my Co-Guardian... my Brother...had given me His punishment.. one that seemed at first.. weak.. but as I thought it over..and expierenced it... it held great meaning. I could not speak... and when I realized that my tongue and words were.. and could be as hurtful as a blade in the gut... I understood the silence. I understood that even denied a simple greeting... or a farewell wish... was important. I am greatful for that first of what will be many lessons to come. Now... Kam... my other Guardian... my Tuchuk adopted Father.... my confidant... listened to me... and rendered His punishment. I was taken back to the fires and chained to my wagon wheel. Gathered was Fonce... Falon.. Cana.. Dash.. Kam.. and Tanner. As much as it hurt to be seen this way... it was a lesson.. for me.. as well as other's. Tuchuks dont run and hide... they face their fears and take their punishment.. for in the end it will make us stronger. I cried... I still do. I am Tuchuk.. but not without emotions.
I asked to address Tanner... and Kam gave permission.. so lifting.. I walked to Him and spoke these words for all to hear... and hope it stopped the unecessary forked tongues of others. I told Tanner....
" Tanner.... Thank you for doing and showing the People.. what a true Tuchuk is. One that does not hide behind comments to the wind... or whispers among other's. What I implied to do.. was wrong.. and You called me on that.. making me remember how valuable life is.. no matter how desperate it seems not to be at the moment... I want.. everyone to know that.... I do not blame you... I am angry....but only because my own stupidity was realized. I was weak.. and I hope now.. I can be strong again and take my place within the Tribe.. where I should be.. for younger ones to learn from... and from older ones to gain my wisdom. I apologize... for any ill will towards you on behalf of my actions. I am... so sorry. "
If there was anything for trying... I did it. And Tanner seemed to accept what I said... perhaps even forgave me.. or at least.. may someday.
The note still hangs on my wagon... I will leave it there until Kam removes the chains. For how long I am to remained chained... I do not know. I am allowed to tend my children at night.. and return to the wheel by morning. Kam has given me more guards during this time... protection from anything meaning harm... which.. included.. myself. It will be sometime till I am trusted again with even my own life.. but I have vowed to earn it again... regain it...
Tarra.... you were right.... I love you... and... I tried to do what you said.. took your advice that you gave me that day at the River...and made this the example. Elders do make mistakes.... I will show them how to learn from them.
Tomorrow is a new day.
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